Same Needs. Different expressions. One Thread.
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By Adi
Solution Architect and Founder of ARC
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Hello and Welcome to all new and old subscribers of ARC’s Leadership Campfire.
Today’s newsletter is a bit different and yet, not really :)
Because it is about what separates us, and what ultimately connects us.
Let's get into it
The Tragedy of Differences
“They are different from me, hence I don’t get them.” No one ever says that out loud. But that’s often the unspoken truth behind so many workplace and dinner table conversations.
Over the weekend, I found myself in one of ‘The Tragedy of Differences’ conversations, this time it was about the generational differences.
- “Gen X was the last group with real emotional depth.”
- “Millennials still respected their elders.”
- “Gen Z is completely out of control. You can’t catch up with the way they think.”
- “And don’t even get me started on Gen Alpha…”
Sound familiar? This got me thinking of more such situations.
Same needs, different expressions.
Take this common scene in an Indian household.
A parent asks their 20-something adult child about their plans related to marriage. The question is posed in the guise of advice, discussing their reasoning behind marriage and the consequences of not doing it at the right time.
The young adult resists. Says they aren’t ready and want to focus on their career instead. And then they claim to have other ways of finding a connection.
Both come from a very human place, the desire for connection and belonging. But the ways of expressing it? Vastly different.
They leave the conversation feeling misunderstood.
Another example
An elderly man, post-retirement, yells at kids playing in the building lobby. He seems bitter, demanding and unnecessarily loud.
Now contrast that with a Gen Z youth at Zara, trying on their favourite outfit just to upload a mirror selfie for their Instagram story.
Different expressions, sure.
But both are driven by the same need: to be seen, respected and connected to others.
So why is the Principal Consultant of a Leadership and OD firm talking about Zara, Instagram and marriage?
Because this is the stuff organisations are made of.
The ‘Tragedy of Differences’ plays out in organisations quite often. It doesn’t only sound like generational angst, but also like this:
- Unseen structures form when people only collaborate with those who look, think, or work like them.
- Silos deepen as departments stick to their own lanes, rarely engaging across boundaries.
- Creativity suffers because innovation needs diversity of thought, and we keep mistaking difference for dysfunction.
Over the last 11 years, ARC has worked with over 250 organisations of all sizes across mergers, team integrations, leadership journeys and culture-building initiatives.
And there’s one thread that ties it all together.
Belonging.
When one feels they belong. Truly belong. One imagines their future with the organisation. When that happens, one works for it in the present.
And that future gets built on something deeper than just strategy or structure.
It gets built on this belief:
At the core, we are all the same, but the way to express those needs is different.
Empathy is the seed.
What we often lack in our conversations is not logic, but empathy.
Empathy is the ability to try and see the world through another’s eyes.
The keyword here is try. Because to say “I understand exactly what you’re going through” is not only untrue, it’s arrogant :)
When empathy is done at scale in systems, structures, and rituals, it becomes compassion.Every industry has its version:
- In Design thinking, it’s called empathy mapping.
- In software development, the user journey.
- In OD, it’s called designing for inclusion.
Different words.
Same intent: “Can I build for a reality that isn’t my own?”
A story from the Wall of Wonder
In one of our workshops recently, ARC conducted an LSIP (Large Scale Interactive Process), which had over 300 participants at one time. And during one of the activities, we used the Wall of Wonder as a tool.
Here’s how it works:
- A timeline of the last 2–3 years is laid out on a straight line.
- Participants write their highs above the line, their lows below it.
- Hundreds of sticky notes, markers, and stories fill the wall.
Some write about promotions, marriages, and new homes as their highs. Others share about loss, sickness, or uncertainty during COVID as their lows.
And when you step back and look at that wall…
You realise something profound:
“We’ve all lived different lives, but we’ve felt the same emotions.
Once this realisation hit the group, their energy changed. Conversations flowed more easily. Everyone saw part of themselves in the other person.
So, the next time you’re part of a conversation about the ‘Tragedy of Differences.’ It may sound something like this:
- “I don’t understand this generation.”
- “Finance folks are always like that.”
- “People from that region behave this way.”
Pause and ask yourself:
Are you pointing out the difference to connect or to separate?
What we leave you with
It’s natural to connect more easily with those who feel “similar” to us. But maybe the deeper question is:
What are we calling similar?
Because at the core, we all want the same things:
Love. Meaningful work. Safety. Connection.
The ways to get there may differ, but the needs rarely do :)
Until next time,
Towards connection,
Adi.
PS: ARC is now associated with CPI (Center of Project Innovation), an International Certification body for Project Management Certifications.
If you enjoyed reading this newsletter, there is a high chance that we'll enjoy working together even more.
So feel free to just hit 'reply' to this email and take the conversation forward:)
Let's talk soon.
Adi.